"Leavin' On A Jet Plane"

The thought of being hundreds of feet above land in a flying football field with very little possibility of exit, surrounded by countless people I have never seen before in my life is beginning to get to me. I mentioned having autistic tendencies in my last post, and believe me, it's true.

I was doing some shopping for a friend in Febuary of this past year and it required my passing the greeting card section on the evening before Valentine's Day. I went sweating and praying the whole way through and then couldn't shake the feeling of being surrounded by so many people and therefore was shaking on the inside as well as trying to get in a fetal position while walking through the rest of the store. It's a bit awkward when complete strangers are seeing you twitch, flop your wrists, and raise your tongue to the roof of your mouth to keep from balling up on the floor.

I am scheduled to depart on the morning of Labor Day and am looking foward to the arrival in California, however when someone asks are you excited; I can only think of the plane ride there. Sure, there are some details I need to get worked out before I leave and the emotions of being apart from family and friends, as well as trying to hold to the new guidelines of air travel, but those things are mild considerations in comparison to actually getting on the plane. I'm not afraid of crashing or terriorists, just the common person who may be sitting next to me.

The challenge for me then is to remain calm in Jesus. To look beyond that body next to me and trying to share an armrest with them, toward the soul that dwells within and it's need for Christ. An hour and a half to Dallas is quite a while to share the Good News.

If you think of it, please pray for this hypertensive person who can't stand to be trapped in the back corner of her very own church by people, who she is completely comfortable with, while they engage in excellent conversation.

"No need to be anxious we have heard His Son say..."

"Go West?"

Mixed Blessings

Greetings three readers (an exaggeration, I'm sure) :)

About a month and a half ago, my primary employer told me that there was a real possibility that the family would be relocating to California. She also said that in an effort to make the transition flow better for the children, in the event the move was to be made, they would like me to join them for a month or two. This was, I suppose, a warning that my little world was in for yet another change.

I felt a bit like Jimmy Durante. Do I stay or do I go?

My first reaction as one who has lived nearly 26 years in the same 50 mile radius was: “Yeah! I’m there.” Though not spoken aloud. This came as a great surprise to me considering the fact that I show autistic tendencies when big decisions arise or changes are made in my life. Perhaps I thought, “this is my every day life that is changing, I must hold on to it.”

The truth is however that God is continually changing the world we live in as a means to bring us closer to Him and to show Himself as even more glorious than we had seen before. Praise Him that He doesn’t check with me first or we’d all be stuck in the same place all the time. It is my hope and prayer that I will be drawn closer to Him daily, but too often I get in the way of that sanctifying process by trying to be content and therefore end up not being content because I’m not in the will of God.

Any way, I’m sure you’re all just waiting to hear if their move will happen or not: Yes. They will be departing near the end of August, leaving Arkansas behind for the sunny San Francisco Bay area. Upon this news (which I received on my birthday) my heart sank. I would now be asked to make a decision that would not only change my life but those I love and care for deeply.

You may say, “It’s only a month or two, what could happen in that amount of time?” Well, there are about six birthdays to miss as well as an excellent Bible conference in Colorado. Not to mention a communion or two with the brethren I’ve worshiped with for the last nine and a half years.

Well, after much concerted prayer and deliberation with God’s people I’m now making arrangements to board a plane for the first time in my life.

What was it that made my decision sure?

I ask you friend, pray for these precious souls in the midst of turbulent times. As for me; though my heart will long for the fellowship of my home church and the blessings of being so close to my family, I know that I want to follow my God in all that He has for me to walk in and through. I pray with confidence that the grace of God will follow me even 1,500 miles from the place I commonly lay my head and show that He is my home.

Thanks for reading and praying.

Love Him

Television Time = Family Time?

I just wanted to start by pointing out that I dearly love my brother and am grateful for our years together, even those that we've spent in front of the TV. (I haven't added up the hours but I'm sure it's too many to do so.)

I have a beloved friend (yes another) who can be no closer to be than a brother, for he is just that, my brother. At four years my elder he spent a few years trying to figure out just why he was instructed to put up with a little sister and share his cars, but in the past ten or so we've become very good friends. I respect him and his wife and have enjoyed the blessings of loving them as my brother and sister in Christ. I am blessed by their children and the time I am afforded with them all. (As a child care professional I most enjoy the time I get to just be an aunt slaying dragons in the park.)

My brother and I were TV kids. Many times the tele was our sitter as well as our entertainment. I have for the past few months owned a very large Television (not the screen, just the caseing) with no power chord. This makes watching the weather rather problematic. Perhaps if I had spent more time reading as a child instead of in front of the tele I could deal with a small apartment and no TV more aptly. But as it is, I am learning how to cope one sudoku at a time.

A small light does exist however. My brother...has a television (though it is a bit small) with a satillite connection...and the most convienent invention of this decade...

...TiVo.

In the fall and winter months we gather, just the three of us, and indulge in an hour or two of complete wastefulness of time. After the kids are put to bed we sacrifice a bit of sleep in order to follow the caotic lives of our favorite fictional characters and see the latest events that will change the lives of our chosen reality stars and decide who goes home this week.

I have come to know my sister-in-law much better during these past two seasons. I know now that she has a great capacity for great compassion. I have known that this is one of her gifts for years but there haven't been people in our church threatened by another civilization a mere two day hike away lately. She many times feels the stress and anxiety of a fictional character in her very body and is "plum tuckered out" by the end of our adventure on a semi-deserted island. My brother however has displayed a calmness that shows his ability to step back from a situation and form thoughts and opinions based on facts presented rather than being sucked into an alternate reality.

You may be asking "And what of yourself?". Well, I think that perhaps you'ld have to ask one of the other two parties for character revelations. But I do know that I enjoy the opportunity to take a break from trying to figure out how to get the concept of "freedom" across to preschoolers and formating informational flyers for youth to shove into their Bibles and forget to pass along to their parents. (without spending $7.50 at the local theater)

Sure, I could get online and find a power chord for my 1990 television that is currently serving only as a shelf in my little apartment, but I think I would still have to make that weekly drive. I enjoy the company too much.

Until next time kids...

(If you would like to offer any spiritual significance what so ever to this post, please feel free to make a comment.)

"Be Still And..."

"Cease striving and know that I am God;..." Psalm 46:10a (NASB)

Many of us have heard this verse in some form repeatedly in our Christian walk. And we know that a calm and Christly confidence is something we should be pressing toward, however none have achieved it in this life. I see from my personal experience that there are two general responses of those who make and effort to "Be still."

1) ...ZZZ...

This is that camp of people who in trying to be spiritual step back and wait for God's leading in such a way that leaves but one thing accomplished...nothing. They step so far back into the cleft that they cannot hear the still small voice. (I must admit that I have fallen into this catagory way too often and tend to forget why I pitched a tent in the wilderness to begin with. I have left camp, sleeping bag tucked under my arm and the fire still blazing in it's circle of rocks too many times.)

2) ...Oh, I forgot to...

This is the group that is gone before the answer comes. The people who sit down before the throne only to write their "to do" list. They find it hard to stay on one subject in conversation with God or anyone else. (Again, this is sometimes me. I rush to the mercy seat only to check it and all my rote pleas off the list, moving on to things that are all too unimportant to life and godliness.)

The correct response must be somewhere in the middle. It can only be found however in the stillness that comes from knowing that God is God.

What can we do in the meantime?

Read the remainder of the verse:

"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 (NASB)

Know that God is God and praise Him for that. Use what you know about Him according to His word as a platform to lift Him up, to exalt Him among all that you meet on this earth. Keep on keeping on in what you know to be His will.

Blessings in the race,

N.L. White

How Great, My God, Thou Art
John 1:3

Jesus the name above all names, with joy it fills my heart!
Creator, pleasing Sacrifice, How great, my God, Thou art!
How great, my God, Thou art!

He bled and died there on the tree, glory to God He brought
And yet He made the sky and sea, O let me forget not!
O let me forget not!

He bought and named me for His own, and fills me with such zeal.
He with His spirit led me then, and now He leads me still!
And now He leads me still!

My fallen self, it died the day He called me to His side.
I’ll run to Him and call on high and in His shadow hide.
In His shadow hide.

Jesus, Creator, and my King, of Thy goodness I sing!
Lord, let Thy Word reign in my heart and let me to Thee cling!
And let me to Thee cling!

O let me ne’er forget how great, my God, Thou art!
How great, my God, Thou art!
N. L. White 2002

Long Time, No See

Hey, it's been a while. I thought I might forget my password. Well, my intention is to post soon. I know that some of you have been breathlessly awaiting. You can breathe now. It won't be too long.

I see no hope for me…
(By Charles Spurgeon- June 24, 1855)

“"O sir," says one, "I have not a single evidence of my Christianity now. I was a child of God, I know; but something tells me that I am none of His now. There was a season when I flattered myself that I knew something about godliness and God; but now I doubt whether I have any part or lot in the matter. Satan suggests that I must dwell in endless flames. I see no hope for me. I am afraid I am a hypocrite. I think I have imposed on the church and upon myself also. I fear I am none of His. When I turn over God's Scriptures there is no promise; when I look within, corruption is black before me. Then while others are commending me, I am accusing myself of all manner of sin and corruption. I could not have thought that I was half so bad. I am afraid there cannot have been a work of grace in my heart, or else I should not have so many corrupt imaginations, filthy desires, hard thoughts of God; so much pride, so much selfishness and self-will. I am afraid I am none of his." Now, that is the very reason why you are one of His, that you are able to say that: for God's people pass through the night. They have their nights of sorrow. I love to hear a man talk like that. I would not have him do so always. He ought at times to enter into "the liberty where with Christ hath made him free." But I know that frequently bondage will get hold of the spirit, But you say, "Surely no one ever suffers like that." I confess I do myself constantly, and very often there are times when I could not prove my election in Jesus Christ, nor my adoption, though I rejoice that for the most part I can cry,—

"A debtor to mercy alone of covenant mercy I sing."”

Any subscription requests, questions, or comments concerning Pilgrim Ponderings can be e-mailed to pilgrimponderings@sbcglobal.net

Praise God!! The natural man cares nothing of his place in the kingdom. Therefore we can take comfort even our doubts.

A Debtor to Mercy Alone

A debtor to mercy alone,

Of covenant mercy I sing;

Nor fear, with Thy righteousness on,

My person and offering to bring.

The terrors of law and of God

With me can have nothing to do;

My Savior's obedience and blood

Hide all my transgressions from view

The work which His goodness began,

The arm of His strength will complete;

His promise is yea and amen,

And never was forfeited yet.

Things future, nor things that are now,

Not all things below nor above

Can make Him His purpose forego,

Or sever my soul from His love.

My name from the palms of His hands

Eternity will not erase;

Impressed on His heart it remains

In marks of indelible grace.

Yes, I to the end shall endure,

As sure as the earnest is given

More happy, but not more secure,

The glorified spirits in heaven.

Text: Au­gus­tus M. Top­la­dy, published in the Gos­pel Mag­a­zine, 1771.

"Let Your Requests Be Made Known"

I was going to write this wonderful post on dating -vs- courtship but was distracted by another topic. If you are disappointed or courious about this please read Douglas Wilson's book: "Her Hand in Marrage." Or perhaps you would like to wait until the notion hits me again.

I am currently employed to care for a wonderful set of children. The elder is a girl, energetic and challenging to my ageing body. While the younger is a charming boy who makes it hard to say no unless you really care for his wellbeing. The latter is nearly finished with potty training, however there are the occasional incidents. Today one of these happenings occurred. I had put him down for a nap and as usual expressed my will that he not get out of his bed. Most of you, I suppose, may be able to figure out what happened. This has brought to my mind a chosen predicament of many believers. One in which I frequently place myself.

The desire expressed in the above situation was that the child not leave the bed and the request was followed to the "t". However at the cost of a mess the child failed to consider that I, as a loving caregiver, would understand his issue and help him deal with it in the best way my finite mind could conceive. All the child needed to do was verbally express his need and his nanny would quickly and joyfully escort him to the best room to meet that need.

While God's will and plan for our lives is solid and premeditated in every part, leaving no wiggle room, it is not laid out before us in such a way that we can read it's every detail. How many of us have said, "I just don't know what God wants me to do." The kicker is that God has expressed everything He wants us to do. In His word many commands are given and are to be followed in order that one's heart of love for the Father will be reflected. Israel followed the command of circumcision to reflect the heart having sin trimmed away by the divine hand of God. While the Church is called to be light exposing God's truth to the world, that the same heart would be shown in contrast to the selfish ambitions of the flesh.

As we learn of the commands of Scripture, let us first, learn of the heart of God as our loving Caregiver. Secondly, pray and perhaps confess our sin concerning the command and its reaches into our daily lives. And last (but the first to be seen by others) change.

If your heart and life are not changed daily by the Word of God, step back and see if your heart has been hardened by sin (Hebrews 3:13). I would say to you, "pray that God show to you your sins that you may confess them with a contrite heart," but contrition is impossible for the hardened heart. Therefore, pray that He would circumcise your heart, trim the wall that surrounds it and keeps it seperated from the truth of His word.

Love Him,

N.L. White

Matthew 5:21-30

21"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' 22"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25"Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26"Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent. 27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30"If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

"You're So Selfish"

Hey, You All;

I have a bit of a confession to make. I've been a little depressed lately. This time around was really bad. I could try to blame it on stress, stuff, or other people but the truth is that I sin and have trouble trusting in God, whom I can't see, for all things. I am however grateful that it has happened after salvation because, to be honest, my flesh didn't care if I'd wake up in the morning or not. As an unbeliever I struggled frequently with this form of selfishness. (I don't think it's a chemical imbalance in my case.) I even went as far as to imagine ways to end my life.

Praise God for his preserving power over every part of me!!

Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes you just want someone to notice that you're a bit down and others you don't want anyone to even look at you. More often than not people see the side effects first and in the case of women chalk them up to hormones or emotionalism. A dear friend of mine has helped me to deal with some of the side effects during this round and I thought that perhaps some of you could benefit from her words.

“...may we all grow in the glory of God knowing that we each live with our flesh taunting us to protect ourselves at any cost. But like Christ, may we humble ourselves considering the needs of others as more important than our own.” – a dear friend

Romans 8:10-18

If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh - for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, " Abba! Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

So Long Self

MercyMe - From the album Coming Up To Breathe

Well if I come across a little bit distant, it's just because I am

Things just seem to feel a little bit different, you understand

Believe it or not but life is not apparently, about me anyways

But I have met the One who really is worthy, so let me say…

So long self ; Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else

So long self ; There's just no room for two so you are gonna have to move

So long self ; Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell

Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry; So Long Self

Stop right there because I know what your thinking, but no we can't be friends

And even though I know your heart is breaking, this has to end

And come to think of it the blame for all of this, simply falls on me

For wanting something more in life than all of this, oh, can't you see…

So long self ; Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long self ; There's just no room for two so you are gonna have to move
So long self ; Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell
Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry; So Long Self

Farewell, Goodbye,

Oh, So long self

A Bad Word

Perhaps to some of you this is a new or old concept.
Easter is a bad, bad word.

I had the opportunity last year to celebrate the resurrection of our LORD on the Sunday following Passover. The gospel was preached and we celebrated the day. On "Easter" Sunday we aslo recieved the gospel as well as a teaching on the hediousness of that bad word. It was a wonderful opportunity to make the distinction because the two were not on the same day.

I understand that most of America and even the Church say this word all the time in reference to the day of Christ's resurrection. I also understand that most of us are uneducated on the origin of this word and the goddess it reflects. A left-over from the Roman Catholic church that protestants didn't notice.

Please take the time to read through this sermon. Perhaps you will be as disgusted with yourself and your lack of understanding as I was.
http://www.hopecbc.org/documents/sermons/Easter%202005.pdf

Titus 3:3a "For we also once were foolish ourselves..."

Many blessings as you celebrate the Resurrection of our Saviour and Lord.

Love Him,
N. L. White

Burying the Hatchet (Part 2): A Step Beyond The Sin

It is not enough to set sin aside. Never the less, sin must be thrown down not to be sought again.

How easy is that? It's not. There is, as most of us know too well, a battle raging within every Christ-follower. The flesh wages war against the soul, begging to return to that which is familiar and easy. Walking by the flesh or by sight is comfortable but it is not the wide and wiggly road that leads to Heaven. The straight and narrow, walking by the Spirit and often blindly, is an irritating catalyst to change and let's face it hard. But it is what is required of God’s child.

(Anyone who says that following Jesus is easy, teaches a false gospel. A yolk of any caliber is difficult and Jesus Himself said that we will have trouble.)

To be a Child of God who struggles with sin is one thing but to be defined as a sinner is quite another. I pray that you are no longer the latter but have been saved by the mercy of our God.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

Titus 3:3-7

For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Do not be fooled. Whether your sin is listed here or not, which I don't see how one could be left untouched by these scriptures, it can own you. It can be dug up as the burried hatchet or left to rest forever, covered over by the Prince of peace.

There is a sin that haunts me, a sin that if it were announced publicly, I would run screaming and crying into the night. But this sin no longer owns me. What do I mean by own? Well, I once identified myself according to this sin. I used it to define my person and my worldview. It dictated my actions and drove my motives. We say in the children's “good news colors” song "My heart was dark with sin, until the Saviour came in." Well, my mind and conscience were defiled, coated with this abhorrent way of thinking, this sinful way of life.

After salvation, I continued to struggle. No one had said to me; “This is a sin” but the Spirit began to carve the edges of this cancer out of my heart. As His work was being done, I found myself searching the Scripture to know if repentance was required. In this search I found the end of myself and as I stood on the edge of the chasm that was left by the carving of God’s hand, I couldn’t make the jump required. Through human logic and personal feeling I clung to the cliff as long as possible. As my grip began to fail and the rocks began to crumble, I fell further into the rift and found myself in a deep depression. I knew that a simple reach toward my God would release me from this torture but couldn’t bring myself to let go for even a moment and let Him lift me to His “high places.”

I had tried with little avail to keep myself from being tempted toward this sin even though I refused to admit it’s detestableness. It kept me from fellowship, from pure worship, and from opening up to God’s people. But even in this depression I knew that my efforts were in vain. I ran to my shepherd in secret hopes that he would take me to the Shepherd. The process was painful and the wall began to crumble piece-by-piece over 3 weeks of counseling with my Youth Pastor and his wife. However my head was hard and my grip on the familiar was obstinate. Finally, I had no choice but to confess my sin, to cast it down and turn to see my Saviour with open arms to show the forgiveness and guidance that only He can give.

There is a Todd Proctor song that says “It’s not who I was, but who I am in Christ.” Let us no longer owned by sin. When the enemy and flesh taunt us to return to it’s clutches, let us again plee to our God in the heavens and call for the Spirit to soften our hearts to His will.

Interlude

We've finished our Messanic Passover and I now have a bit more time for fellowship instead of sitting in a very small office formatting and making copies. As a single chick I have a wonderful opportunity to minister to some of the wives of our church in a way that I see as unique. When some of their husbands travel for business I am blessed and pleased to join their families for dinner and what ever they have planned for the evening. Last night I had the pleasure of attending my first soccer (football) game since high school and chowing on some chicken pizza with a wonderful family. (I do prefer pepperoni but am limited by a pork allergy - not religious constraints.)

The blessing I think is not in what I am afforded to enjoy by way of food or games but rather in the opportunity to see people living the faith they proclaim. I've been impressed over the last ten years that living for Christ is demanding and hard, while following the flesh and idols is easy and lazy. Although we all struggle in The Way and press hard for the truth and the road is not easy I pray that we will not lose sight of the goal and the blessing of the prize.

Burying the Hatchet (Part 1)

There is a Garth Brooks song I listened to in my wild and wooly days, (Okay, just wooly) that spoke of burying the hatchet only to dig it back up. It has been my experiance that this is just what I/we do with sin.

Repentance is to turn away from your sin and walk in the completly opposite direction toward He who is devoid of sin and cannot tolerate it's presence. But too often we turn away from a sin only to position our heads in such a way that we may ocasionally see if it's still back there. I once heard a Whoopie Goldberg routine where she was pretending to be a little girl of color longing for "long luxurious blonde hair." In the sketch she removed the yellow shirt from her head and tried to ignore it, not even think about it only to pick it up again for fear that it may get dusty. - yeah, I was immersed in worldliness as a youngster. Too bad it wasn't spelling or language arts.

Do we really need the help of Satan and his devils to remember that which has been laid aside. Let your sins get dusty friend. Let them be buried under layer upon layer of the thickest covering, that you may look back on it with even a portion of the contempt that God holds for such. (Ezekiel 36)

Yeah, yeah, well said, but do I practice what I write? No. I am usually writing to state what I know to be true, not that it may change one or some of you (not that any of 168 people who have viewed make comments so that I know you're even reading this blog...hint...hint) but rather because it is what I'm struggling with at the time. The truth that I am trying to affirm so that I can move beyond the lies of the world and the evil one.

(Look for "Burying the Hatchet (Part 2): A Step Beyond the Sin. On the same batty blog, from the same batty blogger.)

"And I've Never Been to Boston in the Fall"

An interesting question was asked in our fellowship group this past week: "Would you rather be in the position of Adam or saved today?" (or something close to that)

My first thought was "Before or after the fall?" but truely, neither is better than the salvation of Jesus. In looking at what I, and even Adam, had to offer God I am humbled. I can bring nothing to the table because I have only the damnation of my eternal soul apart from that which God has given me. Even Adam had nothing to offer of his own. A naive understanding of good and evil. He was given but one boundary in the Garden and like any other with human nature jumped at the opportunity to sin, finding himself shamed through something he'd never experianced before, a guilty conscience.

Praise God for justification!

(being declared righteous before God through the saving work of Jesus)

How many would be damned to Hell because of sin? How many would forever experiance the gnashing of teeth because of that which we cannot resist apart the blessed Holy Spirit's presence.

What Have I But Damnation

What have I but damnation, for sick and weak am I

Just a wretch short of glory, with sin as my demise

A willing hand held o'er my eyes, in sin I blindly stood

Hands held o'er my fleshly ears, ignoring God's call to good

But then the hands removed, not by my will but the cross

To see salvation's radiance, to hear the call of God

A blessed child of glory, sure to reach Jordan's coast

What have I but Jesus, In Him alone I boast.

©N.L. White 2005

Rosemary & Time

Hey you all,

I'm just standing here in the "Hummingbird's" kitchen, smelling some wonderful rosemary chicken, with a little time to spare.

I was reading a Psalm of David yesterday (Psalm 131):

"My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother, Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in Yahweh from this time forth and forever."

I've been a bit busy lately but the Lord has been very gracious to keep my soul "calmed and quieted." but the first part of the chapter speaks directly to what I should be able to say "My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty."

I can't say that I have great ambishions in this earthly life but for those that I do have, are they haughty or overly lofty? Are my thoughts completely yeilded to Yahweh?

I have to say no. My flesh is weak in view of what this world has to offer and my ambitions yield too eaisly.

THIS WORLD

(As recorded by Caedmon's Call)
There's tarnish on the golden rule
And I want to jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who are not afraid to love

This world has nothing for me
And this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk on the spirits of fear
So when He says, "Who will go?" I am nowhere near
And the least of these look like criminals to me
So I leave Christ on the street

This world has nothing for me

And this world has everything

All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world has held my hand and has led me into intolerance

But now I'm waking up and now I'm breaking up
And now I'm making up for lost time

This world has nothing for me
And this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

Aaron Tate Copyright © 1994 Cumbee Road Music

"Ya' Gotta Have Friends"

I have this friend that I dearly love. (I won't post her name but know that she's really out there.) This past Sunday I held her hand briefly as we walked. In thinking of that tiny moment today I remembered one of the first times I held her hand. It was actually more her holding mine because I was too weak to take hers. Weakened not by an intense battle with cancer or even a slight cold but rather at the thought of my sin and the fact that I am so undeserving of the Great and Awesome God who has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light.

(Please wait while I grab a tissue...

...Sorry, I had to travel a bit farther than I expected)

It was two and a half years after becoming a Chist-Follower when I was blessed to attend my first "Ladies' Retreat" where 100+ women had spent the last few days in workshops and meetings growing together as Sisters in Christ. Our group had spent a night or two keeping the neighbors up with singing and wild, yet interesting, games. (One neighbor was the piano player...oops) It was just the 10 or 15 of us in the nights but we made our share of noise.

On Sunday Morning, the last meeting of our retreat, we had a time of communion. In my reflection upon the body and blood of Christ I was overwhelmed at the thought that I could have a place at this holy table. As I sat beside my friend she placed her arm around my shivering shoulders and hugged me. (Now, for those of you who know about my "therapy", it began shortly after this retreat.) I continued to weep while the ladies streamed to the table to recieve the elements and my friend lingered with me; prayed with me. When the group had neared the end of an open table, she took my hand and led me, weak and trembling, to the front. I continued to cry and wail within myself as I partook of the body and blood of the Lamb who took away my sin.

(Please wait while I grab another tissue...)

I think now that it was a great lesson for me. A lesson in how to take communion (contritely), how to take communion with the Bride (as one body) and how to move beyond the reality of sinfulness, into the reality of forgiveness once it has been confessed (rejoicing).

Years later I learned something that has blessed me every time I remember it during communion with the Brethern. There is a particular sin offering of the Law recorded in Leviticus that the priests were required to eat of. Peter says that we are "...a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness and into His marvelous light;(1 Peter 1:9)" So as we gather to remember, reflect, and rejoice in the Passover Lamb, sacrificed as our sin offering; sometimes I look around. Not to see who's partaking and who is allowing the elements to pass but to see these fellow priests, this Bride purchased with a heavy price. Praise God that He has not left us as pieces scattered throughout this broken land, but rather as shards of a beautiful vessel held together by the blood of our shared Saviour.

The best part of the friendship I began this post by mentioning, is that I cannot think of that relationship without being driven to think of He who is closer than a friend, closer than a brother (or sister).

1 Peter 2:9-12
9 But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a royal PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 10 for you once were NOT a PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY. 11 Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them glorify God in the day of visitation.

We Are Children
We are Children of Your mercy, called by Your grace
Seeking just to catch a glimpse of Your face
It once was forbidden, but now by faith
We can, through Your grace, stand in this place.

We are Brothers to one another, children of God
Seeking to be holy, while on this sod
Joined by one Spirit to our Brother, the Christ
Who laid down His life to be our Sacrifice.

We are Children, seeking glory, glory for Your name
Lights shining in a cold, cold dark frame
May the world see our good works of love
And bring You glory, O great Father above

We are Children of Your mercy, called by Your grace
Seeking just to catch one sweet glimpse of Your face
©N L White 2003

"Mom, He's Looking At Me"

My stated profession on official documents is "childcare provider". What does this mean. Well, it means that I do just about anything your children need and you are willing to pay me for. Okay, so there is a bit more to it.

To the point:

One of the children have watched in the past would ride the bus home occasionally, which was great if he/she was in a decient mood. However one day he/she had a moment of relapse. Relapse, in that this child forgot every sense of civility he/she had ever been taught. When getting off the bus it was relayed that he/she had slapped another child. The reason stated when further intergation occurred was "she was looking at me." Why is it that one moment we're competing for attention and the next we are outraged that someone is giving it to us?

I was thinking of this in relation to my own disposition toward the attention of others. I crave attention from those I love but when it is given I often shrink away. I get uncomfortable when words such as "cute" (which originally meant bow-legged), "pretty" and "nice" (which to Shakespere meant ignorant) are used in referance to me even though those are the kinds of things that make me warm and fuzzy inside. Perhaps I'm afraid of the warm fuzzies. They're coming to take me away...ahh!

There are two extremes to this. (I'm getting good at this two point stuff. Don't worry I'm a five pointer.)

The first is: "I don't care what anyone thinks...Their opinions are nothing in light of eternity...God is my Judge..."

Yeah, but how will He judge you? "1 Peter 1:15...but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behaviour" He will judge based on what He would have done, how He would have acted, the words He would have used. Wow! Doesn't that cut to the quick of your soul? I am convicted by that thought. How often do I offer "Nehemiah prayers" (Nehemiah 2:4-5) for those brief conversations with old classmates in "stuff-mart" or the dreaded question "How are you doing?"

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, My Rock and my Redeemer...Psalm 19:14"

The other extreme: "If I do this or that, so and so will see me...I don't want them to think I'm loud and boistrous...I don't want to bother them."

Representing Christ is to walk as He walked. "1 John 2:6 ...the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked." Jesus didn't shrink at the sight of anyone because He knew His purpose. Ours is one in the same, "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." He came to do His Father's will. This usually included talking to someone, sometimes touching their leperous hand or rubbing mud made from His own spit on their eyes. How do you think these people felt when He invaded their bubble of personal space? I, personally, would have freaked out.

We spend so much time thinking "I bet people were looking at me" or "I didn't want to take up your time." But at what cost? How will poeple know of what eternity holds if we don't speak it, either by wasting empty words on them or offering none at all. We are to be good stewards of the name and position of Christ which was imputed to us. Think about it. The only reason to dwell negitively on the thoughts and perceptions of others is a lack of confidence in God and His work in you/me. There are, of course, times when you know the Lord is using a person to get through your thick skull but this doesn't often come from the person behind you in the local "stuff-mart." It comes from those you are walking along-side on this narrow road.

One of my favorite writings of John MacArthur is "Found: God's Will." In this little booklet He points out Epesians 5:15-17 saying "Don't be (cover your children's eyes) stupid." The verses actually read and I will leave you with this and a hymn:

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Take My Life and Let It Be
(Leviticus 11:44)
Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to Thee
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my King
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my will and mike it Thine. It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart – it is Thine own. It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour, at Thy feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be, ever, only all for Thee.
Frances Ridley Havergal (1836-1879)

The Master Weaver

I have a nasty, yet helpful habit.
It's not biting my nails or picking my nose but rather writing on my hand. Some see this and gasp, others say "I would never let my child do that." It's not as if I'm drawing pictures but rather a word or two to serve as a reminder to do something or ask someone a question. But the sight of these scrawlings do remind me of something else. God's love, manifested in two particular ways. The first is His chosing to love a worm such as I, bringing other worms of love into my life.

The Scriptures say that God has written the name of His beloved not only in the Book of life but on His very hand. (God's hands must be huge!) My name is written on the hand of God...(long pause to digest this thought)...Every child of God has a place not only in the Heart of God but on His palm. I ask you this: Is there a safer place? 1 Peter says there is an inheritance "reserved in heaven for you who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." Do you think someone will be able to crack God's safe? (Woe to those who try.)

Now to the second encouragement from a hand scribbled upon.

There is a Hindu tradition that I wanted to go into to explain how lines on a hand depict the lines of one's eternal soul and how they meet up with or follow closely beside others in an ancient art form called Mehndi. However I found myself spending more time explaining the falsities of reincarnation and their system of good works thatn reaching the intended point. Therefore I trust that should you want to learn more about the history and practice of Mehndi you can use your google search.

Perhaps you know where I'm going with this but I will take you in that direction anyway.

We all have people that we choose to associate with, because of their personality, their past experiances, a common intrest. But there are also those people that make us think "What was God thinking when He put this person here in my path." I love the Body of Christ becuase the foot is so very different from the face that you might think "and why are these things hanging out together?" I have relationships with the church that just make sense and others that one may look at and say the same thought about the foot and face. The challenge however is to love the face just as much as you love the other foot who has almost exactly the same intrests that you do (were you a foot).

All this to say that God is good and He loves us so much that He gave His only begotten Son for us.

Not that we would walk as we did formerly, selfish wonderers searching for ways to please the flesh. But as new creatures loving the God who first loved us and those whom He has also chosen to live eternally in His Heaven. Imagine the sweet fellowship there will be in Heaven and practice now for that which is to come

Disclaimer: These thoughts were formed from hours of trying to mould 10 years of blessings into two thoughts.

There is also a greek myth that "the fates" maintain a loom which is the weaving of lives together. You can read about that on your own as well.

_______________________________________________________________

In Response ro "Anonymous"...

Only if this depicts you...

..."Anonymous"

"Holding fast the faithful word" (Titus 1:9)

Pilgrim Ponderings- Besides reading the Bible…

(By Charles Spurgeon)

“Should you not, besides reading the Bible, store your memories richly with the promises of God? You can recollect the sayings of great men; you treasure up the verses of renowned poets; ought you not to be profound in your knowledge of the words of God, so that you may be able to quote them readily when you would solve a difficulty, or overthrow a doubt? Since "He hath said" is the source of all wisdom, and the fountain of all comfort, let it dwell in you richly, as "A well of water, springing up unto everlasting life." So shall you grow healthy, strong, and happy in the divine life.”
Any subscription requests, questions, or comments concerning Pilgrim Ponderings can be e-mailed to pilgrimponderings@sbcglobal.net


In Word and Deed

A wonderful man just left the physical fellowship of our local church in order to return to his beloved wife and children. Michael Ginn is a traveling "story-teller" but the stories he relays are not that of fiction like Paul Bunyan or fairy tales of old. The stories this man conveys are true and demand a change in one's heart. This is because Mr. Ginn quotes the Living Word of God.

"I sing a song of Hercules" would be the opening phrase of the ancient entertainers who would lead their hearers into an imagined land of myth and legend. While Michael Ginn begins with "Let us hear the Word of the Lord." Our minds are filled so much, stories and rhymes from childhood, the stats of our favorite sports star. Is there room in your noggin for the Words that will never pass away? Is there room for the Words of the greatest Lover of your soul?

When I was a "youth" and not just an adult trying to hang on to that time by being a youth staff member, I memorized chapters 1&2 of 1 John and the first chapter of 2 Peter and even the first chapter of James. Those verses were tossed from the file cabinet long ago and lay strewn upon the floor of my memory but there is yet one small epistle that remains. It is the short book of Titus that has kept its place in the drawer for the past 3 years and prayerfully and with some deliberation it shall there dwell until the Lord shall take me home. But it is not enough.

Mr.Ginn, who was a child of the sixties and partook in them quite generously, is a renewed man. God has changed his heart and washed this man's mind with His regenerating power and he, who spent years destroying brain cells, has memorized the New Testament. Over a course of 20 years this carpenter who worked 40-60 hours a week disciplined his mind and body to yield the wee hours of the morning to his great and miraculous God. He simply loved Jesus and wanted to know everything the scriptures said of Him and although the Messiah is found From Genesis 3:15 and forward to the end of Revelation He lives in the Gospels and is exclusive in the epistles.

However, even the memorization of the whole of Scripture is not enough, as Michael will also agree. There must be change. Holiness must be furthered in one’s heart or these are just words and not the Word of God. I said in a joking manner to Mr. Ginn this past weekend “I wish you would stop speaking the truth.” His reply, stated in a humble manner was in effect “What else is there?” My very soul is challenged by the Word of God and it’s Truth demands a response but too often the flesh is too weak to continue in the path of repentance that Truth lightens.

Heart of Stone

What is this longing from somewhere deep with in
An empty hole of blackness that’s been filled up with sin
I know it’s You that I need to empty out this space
To heal this broken vessel by Your sovereign grace

For You to be my one true Love, my first and only choice
For You to in me resonate, Yours the only voice
O Lord, to be at one with You in the day and in the night
To know I’m in Your presence, Your arms around me tight.

I know that Your Word says that You’re right here with me
But my flesh, it tends to lie and only You can set me free
Renew in me the gift of faith that only You can give
Oh Lord, soften up this heart of stone that I may truly live.

Lord, come and lift me from this fleshly drone
Remind me of Your promise that You will take me home
This world is not my place and Heaven, it awaits
But until You take me there, fill this bless’d space

I know that Your Word says that You’re right here with me
But my flesh, it tends to lie and only You can set me free
Renew in me the gift of faith that only You can give
Oh Lord, soften up this heart of stone that I may truly live.

Copyright N.L. White 2005

What is in a Name? (part 2)

What is it that held our dear Saviour on the cross?

Our Saviour Who was and is completely God with the power to calm a raging storm, to speak and raise a man from the dead, to make the blind see and lame to rise and walk. Our dear and blessed Saviour who can love a wretch like me with such ferver that it causes my very soul to shiver and shrink because I know that "were the whole relm of nature mine, that were a present far too small, for love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all."

The love of God displayed in the crucifixion of the Christ is too much for me to bare.

The Hammer Holds
By Bebo Norman

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine

My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear

But it, my maker holds

Mindless Worship

Hey you,

Do you ever just do something out of habit and not really think about why you do it that way?

A couple of years ago I was driving to church like I do every Sunday morning thinking out loud. I was commenting on how I really don't like dresses when I was hit by something I don't think I had considered until that time. "Why am I driving to church at all? Why do I feel committed to do this every week? Why is it that I would drive through storms and high water to get to this place where I sometimes don't even want to be?" The correct answer is worship, but sometimes that is the furthest thing from my mind.

I confessed that I had been so distracted while getting ready that morning that I had forgotten what worship was to be about. In that prayer I also asked God to help me repent of (turn away from) that attitude of go with the flow. How could I even consider just going through the motions when I'm supposed to be worshipping a God so unlike anything I've ever known. How could I take lightly the preparation to join the Saints in approaching the throne of the Almighty. It's like coming to a hungary carnivour with nothing but a salad...he won't be pleased with what is laid in front of him.

Here are some words that came from that prayer.

I've Forgotten

Driving down this road, I've forgotten what it's for.

I don't remember the reason or the cause anymore.

I've given all I have to the dress and to the prep.

Lord, help me remember what it is that You accept.

It is beter to obey than to give a sacrifice.

I have given all I have but I can't escape this vice.

Lord, teach me how to pray, to be faithful to Your Word,

To take up my cross and to follow Your voice...

Your blessings stare me down in the fullness of the moon.

Yet I turn a stone-cold face to the One who would return.

Will He find me ready in my cold and fleshly drone?

Will He leave me here or will He takd me to His home.

It is beter to obey than to give a sacrifice.
I have given all I have but I can't escape this vice.
Lord, teach me how to pray, to be faithful to Your Word,
To take up my cross and to follow Your voice...

Lord, I'm Heaven- bound, come and saturate my steps,

And let everyone know that You're not finished with me yet.

Lord, teach me how to pray, to be faithful to Your Word,
To take up my cross and to follow Your voice...
Copyright N.L. White 2002