I recieved a call for an interview at a local retail store today. It's on Wednesday afternoon. Should the Spirit lead, please pray.

The Sleep Came Softly Then

When I was somewhere within the ages of six and eight we lived an hour or so away from my grandparents’ home and often on the way there I would fall asleep to avoid car-sickness. On this particular trip I had done just that. I'm not sure what landmark we had just passed or just how long I had been green with unease before falling asleep, but it happened in the usual way. Sleeping in the car as a child is much different than the light dozing of an adult and I soon found myself in a bit of wonderland. Shapes were unclear and lights were blurred but much of the other world was very clear and yet vague at the same time.

In this place of imagination I was in a dimly lit room with rows of chairs and people dawning the traditional black of mourning when I realized that everyone was turned around looking at me and my brother as we were standing at the back of the room. My brother led the way down the very long center isle where at the very front was positioned a large black box which I knew held the body of someone who was no longer a part of even this very unreal reality. My brother lingered at the casket for a short time and then made his way to a row of empty chairs at the side of the room.

I felt an urge to approach the big black box myself but was hindered by deep senses of both grief and emptiness. Upon finally reaching the object which I dreaded the most at that moment I saw the loving face which had greeted my own into the world I knew as true reality. It was the face I kissed at night before approaching this shadow of life, this wonderland that I now stood weeping in. Yet, as the tears rolled down my round cheeks I stood as an adult within my six or seven-year-old frame. Had those tears not fallen in that wonderland none of the faceless onlookers would have known that a bit of grief existed in the child who had just been robbed of the only stable adult in her life.

As my body awoke and therefore slowly brought my shadow with it from this land of loss, I found myself alone in the back seat. My face was resting in a pool of tears and my lungs gasped for air while my lumped throat would only let short breaths in through the repeated sobbings. I sat there a few moments in the mess created by the imaginary parting from my beloved mother and as the crying subsided I thought I had found myself in yet another dimension of dreamland.

Lying helplessly in the seat I saw her face once again. I thought that she had returned from whatever I thought lay beyond the physical once again only to walk past the window. As the tears again began to flow, the door opened and the real and touchable arms that I had found comfort in so many times before cradled my trembling body. The lips which had touched my face so tenderly in the past were again placed upon my forehead. And as my mother spoke softly into my ears I once again found comfort. The strong pain passed but I did not let my mother out of my sight on that visit to grandma's. I never wanted to have those feelings again and was determined not to leave her side.

It's nearly November and I feel as though I haven't written anything in forever. I suppose it's because I was writing every two or three days during September. Well, I have very little to say. I'm still searching for employment here in Arkansas and praying about moving to California. The Lord is faithful in all things and I know He will prove Himself as such even in this.

Pushing the Pedel

Still looking for a job here in Arkansas. I have filled out a few applications, although that has never produced much for me. I suppose that people look at the list consisting of six years experience in child care and don't think that one with such a background can stock shelves or run a cash register. I do however have a couple of friends with connections on the look out for something I'm more familiar with that will last until the end of the year.

I know that the Lord is faithful to provide for His children and am fully grateful to Him that in the last six years I've not been jobless for long, even though there have been many opportunities for such. He has been faithful in the past to provide just the right job at the perfect time and at the perfect rate to meet my needs and I know that He will not fail to do so now.

P.S.

I tight rolled my pants today for the first time in about fifteen years. Boot-cut jeans are not meant for bike riding.

The Home Fire's Burning

It's great to be home in Arkansas.

The weather is good and the traffic is bad but the pleasure of driving with the windows down in my own little Suzuki out weighs the stop forever non-flow of the roads.

I am missing my hosts a bit and look forward to seeing them again in a few months however I must say that my bed is quite comfy and Wal-Mart makes all else feel like home. I've only been there three times since arriving nineteen hours ago.

I think that perhaps the food alone is enough to make me return to the west coast but only the Lord knows His plans for me and time must pass a bit for them to be revealed.

The Home Stretch

It's getting closer to my flight date (Thursday, October 5) and there are a few more details to cover both here and there. I have had the opportunity to meet some wonderful people while here in Northern California, some that I will call and more that I will call friends. The church I have visited here at Berkeley is truly a "sister church" and I have been blessed by their ministry both in the way of being welcomed and challenged in the faith. The extended family of my hosts has equally embraced me and has warmed my heart greatly during my visit here. And I cannot express in words the blessings that I have been given through the home I have called my own for the last month. However, I do look forward to the blessing of returning to my family of church and relation and the wonderful people there in Arkansas.

There has been much time for personal study and reflection upon God's Word as well as His person and character and I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the discipline to make the time when I return. Although I have been blessed to finish two books in personal study while here, I count the victory that I have been blessed with application as well. There have been many temptations and the Lord has provided many victories in my passing through them and He alone is to be glorified, however I know that there will be more to come and pray that He may prove Himself faithful all the more even though I, in the flesh, may fail.

Thank you all who have been praying and know that I have received much encouragement through God's people both here and at home.