Where Have I Been??

It's crazy, just plain crazy!!!

Crazy because some days I haven't really been sure where I've been, in a cyber sense that is. I've recently began working for a new family with four, count them "1...2...3...4", children AND I've moved across town... CRAZY!!!

But all of this really is not very connected to lack of web-time. It really is more connected to a lack of connection. I know what you're thinking:

"'connected to a lack of connection.' What are you thinking random blogger whom I've never read before and most likely will never come across again. That doesn't even make sense. You're a rambling idiot who has no idea how to make a simple statement like 'I haven't felt like expressing myself to the equally random public.'"

Well, if you were thinking that then you are a genius or a mind reader because there is no way that I could have worded that so eloquently. Thank you for stating it so well!!!

Yeah, so the point is that I am a bit of an introvert. Okay, maybe a little more than "a bit." SO... I haven't felt like writing out that the things that have been rolling about in my head, for the world to see. The sad thing is that when the marbles are rolling around the property up there they really do make a little more sense than you might imagine from this post. But, ALAS, they don't seem to be rolling very far this evening AND the fact that I am experiencing "typing dyslexia" doesn't help them produce thoughts of extreme wisdom and influence on the masses of people dropping in on this blog, resulting in world wide societal change.

So... I'll have to call it a night on this one and stop in, hopefully, in the near future to impart deeper words of change and impact.

Until next time...

NL White

Click the photo for a little bit of an update.

A Busy Week

This week my usual flexibility has been spoken for by an occasional employer who has been very gracious. God has used them often in these last seven years to provide hours when nanny times have been sparse and when I've needed an extra bit of cash for this and that. The parents left for France on Friday and asked me to be a single parent in their absence. "Mom" who is extremely organized has arranged for family friends and neighbors to help out with pick-up from school and various weekly activities, which is a great help, but from 6:30pm to 7:30am They're all mine. This weekend we held a spy convention at the house creating legends and IDs for the neighborhood boys as well as nearly missing a baseball game one of them was to play in.

The time is, however, bitter-sweet. I recieved a call yesterday from dear, dear friends, a brother and sister in Christ, with a request for help that I really wanted to provide for them. God has blessed me so often with the ability and availability to say yes to so many things and I wanted to do so yet again but that door of ministry in time of need was closed. God is faithful to those needs that we don't even know are coming and has provided for the family who needed a helping hand and also for my sanity. Having two boys with heavy after-school schedules made the decision to say no heart-breaking and yet simple. Should the situation have been different I would not have hesitated to say yes, but the answer was no before I even knew what the question was.

Many prayers will be offered for the brother and sister and daily help will be offered by the Body of Christ. The members acting together for the preservation and benefit of one another. All of this will be done because of Christ's love dwelling in us for His glory. He is faithful to meet every need that may arise and meet it to the very end.

The Funniest Thing I've Seen Today

A little view of my world today

This morning my boys and I made our way to the $1 summer feature at our local theater and was disappointed when the projector died and had to find entertainment else-where. So... we made our way to the market to pick up a few items needed for the house; milk, Cheerios, ham, juice, etc., etc. Then we took our "break today" at McDonalds Playplace. Therefore 2yr old little "O" was sufficiently worn out for his sleep.

As usual he made a little fuss as I carried him up stairs and put him in his cot, so I told him "night, night", closed the door and made my way down the stairs to play Chutes & Ladders with 4yr old "Z." We were both somewhere around #50 when the irritated cry from upstairs quieted and then made a comeback as more of a "I'm hurt, so come save me" cry. I made my appoligies to "Z" and hobbled upstairs to find "O" pinned between the side of the cot and the wall. However, I was without a camera and therefore must leave the scene up to your imagination.

There were many things that began to run through my mind but the first thing to escape my lips was "I told you it wasn't safe to climb out of your cot." Feeling vendicated, I then began to smile over the hilarious picture that presented itself and make my way over to the distressed toddler. I was greeted with a very appreciative hug (or maybe he was just hanging on for dear life). So after a moment of absorbing this display of affection, I placed the boy back in his cot and retrieved the comfort blankies he had obviously tried to get for himself and all was well. Sleep soon came and the scene was brought to a close. But I must honestly say that it was indeed the funniest thing I've seen today and perhaps even in a great while because is it continues to bring quite a grin to my face and a light to my eyes.

Enjoy your days!!

Park Pics

I took the boys to the park the other day. Here's a pic or two.

The Older eventually hoisted the younger over.

Climbed the tree for this one.

What Do You Value?

Remember that lovely angelic friend that I mentioned in a post last month? Well, she was teaching our LiFE Kids class again last night and as usual I learned something even if the kids didn't. We've been going through the character of God with these kids for the past eight months or so and will soon be wrapping up for the summer break that our teachers enjoy and this year our kids will too. So far the teaching has been pretty easy to follow but last night the lesson was on God's being righteous while a large part of it focused on God's glory being valuable above all else. A day later, I'm not sure what the connection was but I'm sure it was evident last night.

Okay, so let's get down to the nitty gritty.

The thing that left an impression on me was something that Ms. C said as almost an Anacrusis or pick-up note to a main point. In speaking of a miracle of God she said something about not putting value on the miracle in place of God Himself. It struck me then that we (I) can find ourselves trusting in or placing an undo amount of value on that which God has done by not recocnizing the value of He who accomplished it.

The miracle that came to mind for me is the most amazing miracle that I've witnessed, my salvation. The changing of one's heart is truly a great act and can only be truly accomplished by God. The Creator of this vessel has every right and power necessary to do so while a loved one, parent, or spouse has neither. God is the Author and Accomplisher of Salvation. But am I trusting in what happened one night over a decade ago or the God who accomplished it? Do I place more value on what He has accomplished or He who had the power to do so?

My prayer is to know and trust the God of my salvation more and more so that I may value Him more...

and more

and more and more

and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more and more and more

...

Good Intentions

Here's a small bit of how lunch went

for me and my toddler shadow the other day.

We were out and about, running an errand or two for "Mummy" when hunger rumbles began from the backseat in the form of whimpers and crabby growls. I had been trying to ignore similar groanings from my own tummy and found relief in the company of a little boy having the need for edible substance. While our stomach's made their request known to all within a reasonable distance from the open car windows my taste buds were searching their vast memories for a remedy. I could tell from the way the discussion was going that fresh veggies, cold-cuts and cheese were going to win the vote so I made hast for the nearest sub shop.

I thank God that this toddler really has no qualms when it comes to choosing food. He has eaten nearly anything that I've placed before him from the beginning of our relationship and I like it that way. So my choice was for a Roast Beef sub with cheddar and a wide selection of veggies. As I waited for the careful wrapping of our lunch and the choco-chip cookie that was so eloquently suggested by my small companion he found a table just right for two with a view out the window and an equally pleasing view of the other diners who were enjoying the establishment (we're both people watchers).

All went smoothly for the first few minutes. I unwrapped our provisonary sub and began to tear pieces just his size and place them on a bit of the wrapping while he sampled the soda a couple of times. Soon the eating began. We were both quite satisfied with what was provided for just a few dollars and could not have asked for anything more. Then it happened, that thing which always happens while dining with an almost two-year-old. The food is no longer seen as necessary for life but rather a distraction from other more important endeavors like smiling at the random construction worker and wandering to the lap of the most familiar adult.

Even though this was not what I had in mind for our little outing, I was not disturbed or frustrated with his distractions but rather sought to deal with it in the most suitable manner. I willing held the young boy and according to my experience had a firm grip on his waist ensuring that he could not depart from his new found seat. Then I skillfully moved his meal to the same side of the table and commenced to suggest each bite in the most alluring manner. My meal was finished and this alone remained on our to do list for this stop and I was confident that it could be accomplished. But that was before, before the manager tried to help.

It must be a lovely thing to be the manager of a restaurant which offers toys to small children with their meals because should the need arise you can opt to offer said toy to a less advantaged child who is distracting his/her parents from the task they actually arrived for, eating. However this was not the case for myself and my young companion. Therefore the presentation, although met with a smile from both the child and myself was not helpful to the task at hand but rather a further distraction.

Soon after the suggestion of a high chair was made and the manager mad her way back to managing, my toddler and I made ready to leave. I recognized that the furtherance of this endeavor would indeed be pointless as the toy, which I couldn't take away at this point, was infinitely more important that dietary needs.

A Side Note

I haven't walked away from our Reformed Women.

Okay, I am working on a short bio for Mrs. Elizabeth Prentiss. However "short" is the problem. I thought I wouldn't find very much on this lovely lady but was proven wrong and am now reading the collection of her "Life and Letters." So fun with letters for NL White.

The Side Note It's Self:

I am a co-teacher with a lovely and angelic friend on Sunday nights when we teach 5-7 year-olds. This week she was trying to convey God's omniscience to the kids when she shared the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira, and their heart toward God revealed through their deceit. In considering the story with the children I was struck by how easy could be for us to pretend that we have hearts of gold when they're just painted rocks beating in our chests.

So the challenge I walked away with is to be real. I know that God has made changes to my heart now I must live like it. Some of you are like "you already do" well imagine if I did it on purpose. I would be a walking ball of mercy stitched together with thread of grace. My lack of tolerance for "faking it" would keep it from being an act and I would really be just that. Cool! Right?

Are you a walking ball of mercy stitched together with thread of grace?

Happy Day!!

NL White

P.S. I think that's what I want on my tombstone.

Switch - A - Roo

Switched the colors around a bit today.



The picture at the top is composed of two cameraphone pictures I took while visiting the San Francisco Bay. I went with one of my favorite boys (his are the smaller feet) to the beach at the Presidio while his mom was teaching an engineering class. We then picked up lunch on one of the peirs.

A Good Day.

Shooting the Family

My cousin asked me to take some family photos for her so that she could give them out for Christmas. Some of them turned out pretty decent. I think it was the adorable subjects. Here's some samples. You can click on them to get a better view.

Here are some with my charges. I am, after all, a nanny with a camera. Again with the adorable subjects.

A Constant Battle

He finally got a moment alone with the present and couldn't resist the early experiance of Christmas Magic.

Click on the Picture to see it bigger and get a better view of the culprit in the background.

Nanny

Check out these photos. They are truly strange.

We Begin Again

It is very funny how things occur.


I have met with a delightful family in just these last few days and will begin watching their children in a little over a week's time. However, this was not the first hearing I recieved of this couple who were seeking child-care. A friend of mine mentioned to me, just after Thanksgiving, that she heard of a family who just moved back to the area from London, UK, that was looking for a nanny. At the time I wasn't sure that I wanted to attach my heart to another family and nearly set the idea completely aside.

As I posted last time, I just decided to re-enter child-care when I was told of this family once again from a totally different source. God has a perfect timeline and everything happening in it (which is everything) is done perfectly. He knew that my heart required a healing and provided for it just as He is providing now.

(Not to say that the infinite God responded to my decision but rather that His guidance is the reason for it.)

Though there is still growing and mending to be done, God has once again proven that He is over all that and more.

Blessings,

N.L. White

Vitamin D -vs- Skim

Philippians 4:4a “ Rejoice in the Lord always;”

As one who has been and is blessed in so many ways, through so many things and people, I have much to rejoice over. I have all that is need to sustain physical life, friends and family who love me and make sure that I’m cared for. I have instruments to play and books to read, music to listen to and songs to sing, but how much of these things are rejoiced over in the Lord. I must confess the I am lacking in praise toward God for these things. My lips are too often silent or bubbling over with the wrong things. The Ephesians verse comes to mind.

Ephesians 4:29
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Not that the words which do escape my lips are morally unacceptable or vulgar in any way, but are they whole milk or skim? Do they fatten the soul of the hearer or leave them longing for more? And when I fail to speak at all, how shall I edify?

Proverbs 25:11
“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.”

Many times I have been the hearer of such words, therefore I know their importance. Why then do I restrain my lips? Some say shyness, fear, or pride. But if the words be true not a one of these should stand in the way. A servant of the living God should not be hindered by such trifles. In the hands of the Almighty what have we to fear and what of ourselves can be boasted in? Nothing.

Therefore, the question comes to “Am I A Solider of the Cross?” When He says “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” am I at the ready to say with boldness “Here am I. Send me!” or do I cower in the crevices of His hand saying “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past... for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”

Well, perhaps I will leave it at that. The ramblings of one who is dis-satisfied with their personal holiness. One who know that she cannot truly say with all her heart "I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..., and count them as rubbish so that I may gain Christ." There is still so much to let go of, that I may lay hold of the prize of the upward call of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; Having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."

___________________________________________________________

On a lighter note:

The little boy I care for has taken to whispering while others around us are talking. This would be fine if it didn't tickel my insides and make me laugh histerically.

"Go West?"

Mixed Blessings

Greetings three readers (an exaggeration, I'm sure) :)

About a month and a half ago, my primary employer told me that there was a real possibility that the family would be relocating to California. She also said that in an effort to make the transition flow better for the children, in the event the move was to be made, they would like me to join them for a month or two. This was, I suppose, a warning that my little world was in for yet another change.

I felt a bit like Jimmy Durante. Do I stay or do I go?

My first reaction as one who has lived nearly 26 years in the same 50 mile radius was: “Yeah! I’m there.” Though not spoken aloud. This came as a great surprise to me considering the fact that I show autistic tendencies when big decisions arise or changes are made in my life. Perhaps I thought, “this is my every day life that is changing, I must hold on to it.”

The truth is however that God is continually changing the world we live in as a means to bring us closer to Him and to show Himself as even more glorious than we had seen before. Praise Him that He doesn’t check with me first or we’d all be stuck in the same place all the time. It is my hope and prayer that I will be drawn closer to Him daily, but too often I get in the way of that sanctifying process by trying to be content and therefore end up not being content because I’m not in the will of God.

Any way, I’m sure you’re all just waiting to hear if their move will happen or not: Yes. They will be departing near the end of August, leaving Arkansas behind for the sunny San Francisco Bay area. Upon this news (which I received on my birthday) my heart sank. I would now be asked to make a decision that would not only change my life but those I love and care for deeply.

You may say, “It’s only a month or two, what could happen in that amount of time?” Well, there are about six birthdays to miss as well as an excellent Bible conference in Colorado. Not to mention a communion or two with the brethren I’ve worshiped with for the last nine and a half years.

Well, after much concerted prayer and deliberation with God’s people I’m now making arrangements to board a plane for the first time in my life.

What was it that made my decision sure?

I ask you friend, pray for these precious souls in the midst of turbulent times. As for me; though my heart will long for the fellowship of my home church and the blessings of being so close to my family, I know that I want to follow my God in all that He has for me to walk in and through. I pray with confidence that the grace of God will follow me even 1,500 miles from the place I commonly lay my head and show that He is my home.

Thanks for reading and praying.

Love Him

"Let Your Requests Be Made Known"

I was going to write this wonderful post on dating -vs- courtship but was distracted by another topic. If you are disappointed or courious about this please read Douglas Wilson's book: "Her Hand in Marrage." Or perhaps you would like to wait until the notion hits me again.

I am currently employed to care for a wonderful set of children. The elder is a girl, energetic and challenging to my ageing body. While the younger is a charming boy who makes it hard to say no unless you really care for his wellbeing. The latter is nearly finished with potty training, however there are the occasional incidents. Today one of these happenings occurred. I had put him down for a nap and as usual expressed my will that he not get out of his bed. Most of you, I suppose, may be able to figure out what happened. This has brought to my mind a chosen predicament of many believers. One in which I frequently place myself.

The desire expressed in the above situation was that the child not leave the bed and the request was followed to the "t". However at the cost of a mess the child failed to consider that I, as a loving caregiver, would understand his issue and help him deal with it in the best way my finite mind could conceive. All the child needed to do was verbally express his need and his nanny would quickly and joyfully escort him to the best room to meet that need.

While God's will and plan for our lives is solid and premeditated in every part, leaving no wiggle room, it is not laid out before us in such a way that we can read it's every detail. How many of us have said, "I just don't know what God wants me to do." The kicker is that God has expressed everything He wants us to do. In His word many commands are given and are to be followed in order that one's heart of love for the Father will be reflected. Israel followed the command of circumcision to reflect the heart having sin trimmed away by the divine hand of God. While the Church is called to be light exposing God's truth to the world, that the same heart would be shown in contrast to the selfish ambitions of the flesh.

As we learn of the commands of Scripture, let us first, learn of the heart of God as our loving Caregiver. Secondly, pray and perhaps confess our sin concerning the command and its reaches into our daily lives. And last (but the first to be seen by others) change.

If your heart and life are not changed daily by the Word of God, step back and see if your heart has been hardened by sin (Hebrews 3:13). I would say to you, "pray that God show to you your sins that you may confess them with a contrite heart," but contrition is impossible for the hardened heart. Therefore, pray that He would circumcise your heart, trim the wall that surrounds it and keeps it seperated from the truth of His word.

Love Him,

N.L. White

Matthew 5:21-30

21"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' 22"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25"Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26"Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent. 27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30"If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

"Mom, He's Looking At Me"

My stated profession on official documents is "childcare provider". What does this mean. Well, it means that I do just about anything your children need and you are willing to pay me for. Okay, so there is a bit more to it.

To the point:

One of the children have watched in the past would ride the bus home occasionally, which was great if he/she was in a decient mood. However one day he/she had a moment of relapse. Relapse, in that this child forgot every sense of civility he/she had ever been taught. When getting off the bus it was relayed that he/she had slapped another child. The reason stated when further intergation occurred was "she was looking at me." Why is it that one moment we're competing for attention and the next we are outraged that someone is giving it to us?

I was thinking of this in relation to my own disposition toward the attention of others. I crave attention from those I love but when it is given I often shrink away. I get uncomfortable when words such as "cute" (which originally meant bow-legged), "pretty" and "nice" (which to Shakespere meant ignorant) are used in referance to me even though those are the kinds of things that make me warm and fuzzy inside. Perhaps I'm afraid of the warm fuzzies. They're coming to take me away...ahh!

There are two extremes to this. (I'm getting good at this two point stuff. Don't worry I'm a five pointer.)

The first is: "I don't care what anyone thinks...Their opinions are nothing in light of eternity...God is my Judge..."

Yeah, but how will He judge you? "1 Peter 1:15...but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behaviour" He will judge based on what He would have done, how He would have acted, the words He would have used. Wow! Doesn't that cut to the quick of your soul? I am convicted by that thought. How often do I offer "Nehemiah prayers" (Nehemiah 2:4-5) for those brief conversations with old classmates in "stuff-mart" or the dreaded question "How are you doing?"

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, My Rock and my Redeemer...Psalm 19:14"

The other extreme: "If I do this or that, so and so will see me...I don't want them to think I'm loud and boistrous...I don't want to bother them."

Representing Christ is to walk as He walked. "1 John 2:6 ...the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked." Jesus didn't shrink at the sight of anyone because He knew His purpose. Ours is one in the same, "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." He came to do His Father's will. This usually included talking to someone, sometimes touching their leperous hand or rubbing mud made from His own spit on their eyes. How do you think these people felt when He invaded their bubble of personal space? I, personally, would have freaked out.

We spend so much time thinking "I bet people were looking at me" or "I didn't want to take up your time." But at what cost? How will poeple know of what eternity holds if we don't speak it, either by wasting empty words on them or offering none at all. We are to be good stewards of the name and position of Christ which was imputed to us. Think about it. The only reason to dwell negitively on the thoughts and perceptions of others is a lack of confidence in God and His work in you/me. There are, of course, times when you know the Lord is using a person to get through your thick skull but this doesn't often come from the person behind you in the local "stuff-mart." It comes from those you are walking along-side on this narrow road.

One of my favorite writings of John MacArthur is "Found: God's Will." In this little booklet He points out Epesians 5:15-17 saying "Don't be (cover your children's eyes) stupid." The verses actually read and I will leave you with this and a hymn:

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Take My Life and Let It Be
(Leviticus 11:44)
Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to Thee
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my King
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my will and mike it Thine. It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart – it is Thine own. It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour, at Thy feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be, ever, only all for Thee.
Frances Ridley Havergal (1836-1879)