Cross the Line?

It's much harder to write the reality of sin than mere symtoms of it so I will keep the details to myself, however I felt an obligation to my brothers and sisters who read this blog to bear a bit of my soul. Therefore, should you be looking for a lighter post you may choose to scroll down to the pictures from Wednesday's Giants game.

"It is time we Christians stop trying to excuse our un-Christlike dispositions and frankly admitour failure to live as we should. Wesley said that we will not injure the cause of Christ by admitting our sins, bu that we are sure to do so by denying them." - A.W. Tozer from the book "Of God and Men"

1 John 1:8-9

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The past couple of days have been a little difficult as far as emotions and realities go. The emotions of being pleased to go back home to my family (both church and relative) and guitars (yes, in that order) as well as leaving the family I have here behind are bittersweet. And although that's how I like my chocolate, I do prefer clearer circumstances.

The process of going through each option and every possibility that might arise from choosing that option can be very painful to the heart. However, many of the difficulties behind both emotions are related to the reality that I am a sinful creature and it's difficult to discern what my flesh wants and desires from the will and pleasure of God's Spirit within me. The past two days I have struggled with sins past and present that effect my emotions toward both groups of people I love and respect and prayerfully the Lord will be faithful to use those struggles for His glory however those struggles can be hard to explain to those around me.

My heart is desprately wicked and steeped in sin and in the past two days the reality of it has brought me to knees and to tears. I find myself thinking "If I didn't love Jesus, none of this would be an issue." and then realizing "If Jesus didn't love me, I would be stuck in this sin for eternity." I wrote a couple of days ago about wanting to loose my religion in light of gaining relationship to Jesus. But the truth is that sometimes I want to loose religion and relationship in light of gaining what would please the flesh.

I suppose the praise is that I know that the wages of sin is death and that the free gift of God is eternal life. The sad part is that I sometimes want my just rewards in place of God's free gift. This, beloved is both what troubles my heart and what shows me that I am a child of God. The natural man cares nothing for the will of God and proves false when confronted with the reality of his spirituality or lack thereof. I pray that this would not be the case with me. Days of wrestling with sin in the closet of prayer has brought me to a place of repentance.

Will I cross the line or will I walk away from the sin that lies just on the other side? The LORD is my God and to choose against Him is to leave His fellowship. God is good and He will not let my foot wander from His path. His goodness toward me is not necessary for His sake, but imparative for mine. Praise Him that He shows Himself as better than any temporary pleasure. Praise Him that He shows Himself as such to a worm such as I.

Alas and Did My Savior Bleed
Alas and did my savior bleed and did my Sovereign die?

Would He devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?

Was it for sins that I have done He suffered on the tree?

Amazing pity! Grace unknown! And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide and shut His glory in

When Christ, the great Redeemer died for man the creature's sin.

Thus might I hide my blushing face while His dear cross appears,

Dissolve my heart in thankfulness, and melt mine eyes to tears.

But drops of grief can ne'er repay the debt of love I owe:

Here, Lord, I give my self away 'tis all that I can do.

Isaac Watts