Married to the Lord

I have been blessed so much over the last 13 years by the Bride of Christ.

Last week was my 29th birthday. A good one. There was no big party or huge gifts to report but the week was tremendously blessed. My employing family took me out to a wonderful lunch of Pizza (LOVE IT), many friends on Facebook sent happy wishes, the youth group girls wrote their names all over my car with a message of love, and a couple of close friends gave me tokens of affection. One of these was a ring.

Now anyone, who knows me, knows that I generally don't wear jewelry on my arms and hands. I simply get distracted by rings and braceletts. But I put on this simple, yet beautiful, ring on Sunday night and have only removed it for bathing purposes this entire week.

I was blessed yesterday evening with some time serving Christ with my mother. I pointed out the new ring to her and she said "Married to the Lord, huh?" to which I replied "For now :^)"

I was dwelling a bit on that this morning after reading Psalm 46 which is written as a celebration song for one of king David's weddings, and thought about the fact that I am indeed married to the Son of the Living God, along with countless other Saints. A blessing which encouraged me to serve the Bride of Christ even further.

"Listen, O daughter, give your attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father's house; Then the King will desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him." Psalm 46:10-11

A Busy Week

This week my usual flexibility has been spoken for by an occasional employer who has been very gracious. God has used them often in these last seven years to provide hours when nanny times have been sparse and when I've needed an extra bit of cash for this and that. The parents left for France on Friday and asked me to be a single parent in their absence. "Mom" who is extremely organized has arranged for family friends and neighbors to help out with pick-up from school and various weekly activities, which is a great help, but from 6:30pm to 7:30am They're all mine. This weekend we held a spy convention at the house creating legends and IDs for the neighborhood boys as well as nearly missing a baseball game one of them was to play in.

The time is, however, bitter-sweet. I recieved a call yesterday from dear, dear friends, a brother and sister in Christ, with a request for help that I really wanted to provide for them. God has blessed me so often with the ability and availability to say yes to so many things and I wanted to do so yet again but that door of ministry in time of need was closed. God is faithful to those needs that we don't even know are coming and has provided for the family who needed a helping hand and also for my sanity. Having two boys with heavy after-school schedules made the decision to say no heart-breaking and yet simple. Should the situation have been different I would not have hesitated to say yes, but the answer was no before I even knew what the question was.

Many prayers will be offered for the brother and sister and daily help will be offered by the Body of Christ. The members acting together for the preservation and benefit of one another. All of this will be done because of Christ's love dwelling in us for His glory. He is faithful to meet every need that may arise and meet it to the very end.

I thought I may drop into CA (hopefully more like a controlled landing) in October but my time is better spent here for now.

Lil' Buddy

Hey some of you know Jordan. She' taking the move a bit hard and needs a shout-out so drop by and encourage a sista'

Happy B-Day Lo-Lo

Keep The Light On

This is a picture of a lighthouse originally constructed near Cape Cod (East Coast) in 1881. It was thought until last year that it was taken apart and discarded in 1925 but recently an historian based in it's original location discovered that the lighthouse was just relocated and is still in service today about 25 miles south of San Fransisco.

Last year we had a pastoral intern join our youth staff. He was accustomed to a large church atmosphere and spending the last year of his internship in a small church was to serve as a different experiance to help offer a more well rounded youth pastor to some unknown church. Recently he and his wife canidated in Colorado and he recieved a call of invitation this Sunday. It's and exciting time for them and our little youth group. Even though we are sad to see them move on we know that the light they have to offer is needed elsewhere.

We've learned a few things and have tried to offer a bit of knowledge of our own over the last year and pray that the transition to ministry in Colorado will be smooth for them and those they will be ministering to as well as with.


Jake and Candace,
We've been blessed and hope that you have been as well through this year of ministry at Hope. We know that God will be honored in this new endevor and pray that you will see His hand working in your ministry.

Matthew 5:14-16
"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

What Do You Value?

Remember that lovely angelic friend that I mentioned in a post last month? Well, she was teaching our LiFE Kids class again last night and as usual I learned something even if the kids didn't. We've been going through the character of God with these kids for the past eight months or so and will soon be wrapping up for the summer break that our teachers enjoy and this year our kids will too. So far the teaching has been pretty easy to follow but last night the lesson was on God's being righteous while a large part of it focused on God's glory being valuable above all else. A day later, I'm not sure what the connection was but I'm sure it was evident last night.

Okay, so let's get down to the nitty gritty.

The thing that left an impression on me was something that Ms. C said as almost an Anacrusis or pick-up note to a main point. In speaking of a miracle of God she said something about not putting value on the miracle in place of God Himself. It struck me then that we (I) can find ourselves trusting in or placing an undo amount of value on that which God has done by not recocnizing the value of He who accomplished it.

The miracle that came to mind for me is the most amazing miracle that I've witnessed, my salvation. The changing of one's heart is truly a great act and can only be truly accomplished by God. The Creator of this vessel has every right and power necessary to do so while a loved one, parent, or spouse has neither. God is the Author and Accomplisher of Salvation. But am I trusting in what happened one night over a decade ago or the God who accomplished it? Do I place more value on what He has accomplished or He who had the power to do so?

My prayer is to know and trust the God of my salvation more and more so that I may value Him more...

and more

and more and more

and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more and more

and more and more and more and more and more and more and more

...

A Side Note

I haven't walked away from our Reformed Women.

Okay, I am working on a short bio for Mrs. Elizabeth Prentiss. However "short" is the problem. I thought I wouldn't find very much on this lovely lady but was proven wrong and am now reading the collection of her "Life and Letters." So fun with letters for NL White.

The Side Note It's Self:

I am a co-teacher with a lovely and angelic friend on Sunday nights when we teach 5-7 year-olds. This week she was trying to convey God's omniscience to the kids when she shared the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira, and their heart toward God revealed through their deceit. In considering the story with the children I was struck by how easy could be for us to pretend that we have hearts of gold when they're just painted rocks beating in our chests.

So the challenge I walked away with is to be real. I know that God has made changes to my heart now I must live like it. Some of you are like "you already do" well imagine if I did it on purpose. I would be a walking ball of mercy stitched together with thread of grace. My lack of tolerance for "faking it" would keep it from being an act and I would really be just that. Cool! Right?

Are you a walking ball of mercy stitched together with thread of grace?

Happy Day!!

NL White

P.S. I think that's what I want on my tombstone.

An Enemy Within

I think that I have explained the title of this blog before. I think that the first two posts told about the meaning of the Greek word "helos." The word simply means "nail" for those of you who have not read those posts. I am revisiting this topic because of an addition that has been made over the past few months, that is the phrase "changed daily" which is seen within the blades of grass at the top of this page.

In considering these two things together I was also contemplating what it was that held the perfect Sacrifice on the cross. It is said that it was not the nails but rather His willingness, His love and mercy that did so. I understand that to be the case, knowing that apart from His will to participate in the perfect plan of redemption laid forth before the foundation of the world, the Son of God could not be crucified. That is why the Lamb of God is now seated on the throne. He deserves it first for who He is and because of who He is, He has done that which only God/Man could do, give His life as a ransom for many.

The reason that I named this blog "helos" is so that I would not forget who Jesus is and His work on my behalf. The site is http://www.whenisurvey.blogspot.com/ to remind me that all is to be considered in light of God's grace and mercy shown to me upon the cross. Apart from Him life and all that it intails is vainity and should I try to keep this thing going apart from Him it will be that as well. I sometimes post "mindless raging rants" and just stuff that is going on. I pray that even these would not be done in vain but to show that I am still human and am living in the world, seeking to not be of the world.

I don't think that I can express just what God has done for me, what He has relieved me from in taking the shame and punishment for my sin. Partly because I don't have the words to express it and even more so because I don't fully understand just what has been done. I have been given a gift of eternal life in communion with God. Although I know and have experianced many benefits of this gift there is so much more that I have been promised and am sure of because I know that God is faithful to keep His promises.

I also have difficulty in knowing just what I have been saved from. I know what it is to recieve earthly consequinces for sin and I know what it is to wrestle with temptation from the outside and from within however I cannot empathize with complete divorce from God, His general grace and provision which I have always had as a creation of His. I cannot imagine the depths of Hell.

Salvation seems such a simple word but its complexities I know I will not understand upon earth. This truth, however does not excuse me from the study and meditation of His great and awesome work on behalf of those who would call out for the blood of Christ to wash away their sin and bring them into fellowship with God.

I was recently challenged by the Spirit to share something from my past with a dear friend. We were in the midst of a rather intense discussion concerning sins that were brought to mind during a sermon we had sat under that morning when a particular sin was made the forefront of our conversation. I stated that it was indeed sin and sighted scriptures which show it to be such. There was then a great pause in the conversed and contraversial topic as we watched the kids play in the hall of science we were visiting that afternoon. There wasn't much said between us for the next half hour as we made our way through the building and into an outside display which overlooked the bay. As we observed the scene and the children made their way back to the hands on learning of the displays the need to share my heart was too much and I told a secret that still remains such today.

I wanted my friend to know, as I pray all will, that I'm not a sin-o-phobic Bible thumper who blindly makes statements concerning the eternal effects of sin. I expressed to her that this sin we were previously speaking of was indeed a sin that I have wrestled with. God alone has victory over it in my case, this I know because when I am weak in my fellowship with Him it's ugly head resurfaces to show that it is not my efforts which keep it at bay but His own. After the kids were put to bed and sudoku was in progress I was asked to share more about my salvation from the effects of this sin in which I was blessed to say that the depression and internal anguish that it brought has been washed away. The grace of God cannot be measured just as God Himself cannot be measured.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) "He gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed and to purify for Himself a people for His own posession, zealous for good deeds." (Titus 2:11)

We try to place degrees on individual sins so that we can say "It was just a little lie." or "I only did it once." We want to rationalize with human standards so that we don't have to face the reality of how much God hates sin but it doesn't line up with Scripture. Our measures and standards are just that "ours" and we cannot expect God, whose "ways are not our ways," to follow our rule.

I'm not sure what all of this is to say except that God is more than we can imagine in every part. He is more just, more gracious. He is more loving, more wrathful. He is more faithful, more forgiving than any one you've ever met because He is God. God is more by definition. He is perfect by definition. He is the Rule and the Ruler.

Stoked

Perhaps there are some of you who do not know what the word stoked refers to. It basically means that I am very, very, very happy and very, very, very excited about the situation right now. You may be asking why, but if you are not, brace your self because I'm going to tell you any way.

Tonight I am here in the home of my California hosts with one of my favorite 4yr olds. Mom and sister stepped out to enjoy a hockey game and that leaves the boy and myself to just be. And that is exactly what I love to do with the people I love, just be. So I am stoked. It doesn't take much. Popcorn and a movie; Board game and peanuts; Innocent tangents on youtube; Dinner and a little conversation. I'm easy to please.

The First In An Endless Step Program

I think that I've mentioned before how I am a great hypocrite but I just wanted to further the point today.

This last week I was very suddenly asked to quote a little book of the Bible that the Lord has graciously allowed me to memorize and miraculously retain for a few years now. Along with the reciting of this book I was asked to do some teaching regarding the importance of God's Word and sing a few scripture songs to or with them. After a little exaggerated thought on the proposition I accepted the invitation and began on a very busy Saturday to prepare for about 20 minutes of teaching children the following morning.

So between an accountability meeting with my lovely and gracious mentor, a family-wide birthday dinner, a tea party and a concert I quoted the book once and for the rest of the day tried to steal moments to consider what else I might have to contribute to these young minds and lives. Those moments however were sucked up with angst over family matters, seeing well-missed faces at both the family and tea gatherings and trying to overcome my social spazz-tizity for a concert setting. I don't think it must be said that I failed in the preparation department. So upon returning home from the concert I spent about an hour talking to myself and my Lord, going through what I wanted to convey to the kids and praying for direction from the very Author of the scriptures I was invited to lift up before this children.

In the end God proved Himself much more faithful to meet the needs of those children than myself. Which, of course, is always the case. I ended up teaching for about 25 minutes and found that the Lord was quick to provide what needed to be said at just the right time. It was an amazing experience to ask the kids questions and then realize not only did I know the answer to the question but more importantly I knew a verse and its reference that the answer was based upon. I could show them exactly how we know that "Jesus Rocks!!"(1 Peter 2) "The Bible Rocks" (2 Timothy 3:16) and we as God's children are meant to Rock (Ephesians 2:10).

I was truly blown away at the things that were coming from my mouth and knew that God alone could be the reason for the sharpness of mind. But I was also convicted because I know that I don't live like Jesus and the Bible Rocks every time I have that opportunity. Therefore I am a hypocrite. Look it up. You'll find that it means someone who says one thing and then lives quite differently when all is boiled down. However there is hope for this hypocrite because like an addict the first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem. God is good and gracious in all things and He will prove Himself as such time and time again. But as time goes on I pray that my being a hypocrite will be less and less proven.

Dinner Bell

I am a sensual eater. What does that mean? Much of what I love and appreciate is in some way associated with food. The way it smells, the texture, the flavor it has and leaves behind in my mouth, all of these things are important to my opinion of a dish and therefore my overall experience. I tend to form memories based upon what's on the table. The draw back is that I'm always looking out for new memories. As a way to get around the immense amount of calories that can go unused by this behaviour I have sometimes substituted the longing for more of the flavor of a particular food by focusing on it's smell or making sure to drink water after the meal to cleanse the palate of that which yearns to be joined by more of its kind.

So when you ask me "how was your trip?" or "what did you do while you were out there?", and your expecting a rundown of things seen or done; don't be put out if all you get is a diverse menu.

___________________________________

Some people that I've talked to over the past couple of weeks have asked about the food I've had while here in the Bay Area. The first week we were sure to visit "In-N-Out Burger" as well as cold stone ice cream parlor and this week we went to California Pizza Kitchen. The first weekend we went to lunch at a great restaurant with a view of the raging Pacific and had dinner at Calzone's in North Beach (little Italy). Every place we've been from the little Chinese Restaurant (Ha's) here in Danville to the grand Cliff House of San Francisco has been a little bit of an experience to take home however the best food I've had has been in the homes I've been graciously greeted into. There's something great about having a meal with people who are kind beyond your deserving as well as fellow lovers of food.

Around the beginning of this summer the family I work with took a trip to Silver Dollar City and I as a veteran tripster was invited to help with the kids and show them around the city. On the way home as the children had gone to sleep their mom and I began to talk a little and as always the conversation ended up on food. She and I have a common love for both the preparing and eating of food (although my love is a little more apparent from the outside). The great thing about sharing meals prepared by or simply with someone who loves food is that you can enjoy what's on the table without caring what someone else might say about your fifth piece of pizza.


I do look forward to joining those I have fellowship with back home for meals once again but in the mean-time I have been blessed.

Cut Short

It was a blessing today to speak with some of the ladies from my home church. However, three of the four ladies I spoke with had to leave our conversations short of their full conclusions because of pressing matters. One of the ladies was in the hospital waiting for the staff to retrieve her for a test in regards to her heart and guess who she was talking to when they arrived. Yes, it was I. The second was a young mother with two children who awoke from their much needed naps and needed their mother's attention. The third was a mother of a newborn who was getting ready to take all four boys on a trip to the doctor's office to run a test on his very small and precious heart. (not that the first lady's heart is not precious, it's just much bigger in both senses of the phrase)

One could react to these happenings very sadly, however for me I think that they were a bit of a blessing. Although you (the only person still reading this post) may think that I am very verbous, the truth is that I am generally "a woman of few words." At times this gets in the way of forming friendships and even working relationships in a healthy manner, however once those relationships get underway I am very pleased to sit back and listen to the people who have grown accustomed to my quiet manner.

The actual reason I called these ladies was simply to hear their voices. I have been away from these people that I see two to three times a week for over a week and although I am very much enjoying my present company, I do miss them dearly. I can safely say that my ears have been satisfied with these seeming half conversations, for I have heard the young mother of two's southern drawl, the mother of a newborn's "to be honest" and the woman waiting to be tested's "how are ya?"

I'm not concerned that these conversations were cut short or that these women left them to meet other needs (much more pressing than my need to hear them simply speak), for I am satisfied to hear that tinge of love within their voices as they greeted a familiar voice from very far away. The Lord is again good to provide just what is needed at just the right time.

A Friend In Time of Need

Greetings to you,

I said in my last post that Iwould be telling more of my travelings and the Lord's provisions in it. Well, here it goes.

As we arrived at the airport it was both a pleasure and an awkward moment to see someone who for various reasons has not joined our fellowship for many months now. Mrs. Barbara Nelson was on her way to Tyler, TX for a protien treatment that is a bit of an experiment for a rarely diagnosed condition called Alpha I. The blessings were found in Barbara's many and frequent travels to the Dallas/Fort Worth airport.

As Mrs. Barbara arranged with one of the ticket takers for us to sit together on the plane, I was praising God for both her upfront ways and her comfort with the trip. On our 45min trip to Dallas, Barbara brought out her Krispy Kreme donughts and made sure to share them with not only me but the dentist in the seat on the other side of her. Upon our arrival Barbara's personal assistant provided by the airport helped her into her wheelchair and made sure that she arrived at her gate on time and in the process made sure that I found my own.

The Lord is continually meeting our needs in sometimes the most surprising ways. I thank God for His hand that weaves our lives together in the most perfect of ways.


___________________________

"Filthy Rags"

This morning I awoke around 4am west coast time and therefore was allowed much time in the Scriptures, while the house was still very quiet and very cool. As I read the third chapter of Philippians, I was thankful that, as far as the world in concerned, I have accomplished very little. A nanny or child-care provider is generally seen as something a young woman does until something else comes along or until Prince Charming arrives. (By the way child-care is not a good way to meet guys. The good ones are either married or still devoted to and ex who drains his affections, and rightly so. Perhaps there's a widower out there somewhere.)

Paul's list of filthy rags in verses 4-6 caused me to make my own and looking at it only caused me to weep at my own wast of effort and look to God and His interpostion with the saving blood of His perfect Son. "But God, being rich in mercy..." Ephesians 2:4

I think that I have posted these stanzas before, however, I hope that you will take a moment to look at the transition from the first line to the last.

Many Blessings,
N. L. White

What Have I But Damnation

What have I but damnation, for sick and weak am I
Just a wretch short of glory, with sin as my demise

A willing hand held o'er my eyes, in sin I blindly stood
Hands held o'er my fleshly ears, ignoring God's call to good

But then the hands removed, not by my will but the cross
To see salvation's radiance, to hear the call of God

A blessed child of glory, sure to reach Jordan's coast
What have I but Jesus, In Him alone I boast.
©N.L. White 2005

"Go West?"

Mixed Blessings

Greetings three readers (an exaggeration, I'm sure) :)

About a month and a half ago, my primary employer told me that there was a real possibility that the family would be relocating to California. She also said that in an effort to make the transition flow better for the children, in the event the move was to be made, they would like me to join them for a month or two. This was, I suppose, a warning that my little world was in for yet another change.

I felt a bit like Jimmy Durante. Do I stay or do I go?

My first reaction as one who has lived nearly 26 years in the same 50 mile radius was: “Yeah! I’m there.” Though not spoken aloud. This came as a great surprise to me considering the fact that I show autistic tendencies when big decisions arise or changes are made in my life. Perhaps I thought, “this is my every day life that is changing, I must hold on to it.”

The truth is however that God is continually changing the world we live in as a means to bring us closer to Him and to show Himself as even more glorious than we had seen before. Praise Him that He doesn’t check with me first or we’d all be stuck in the same place all the time. It is my hope and prayer that I will be drawn closer to Him daily, but too often I get in the way of that sanctifying process by trying to be content and therefore end up not being content because I’m not in the will of God.

Any way, I’m sure you’re all just waiting to hear if their move will happen or not: Yes. They will be departing near the end of August, leaving Arkansas behind for the sunny San Francisco Bay area. Upon this news (which I received on my birthday) my heart sank. I would now be asked to make a decision that would not only change my life but those I love and care for deeply.

You may say, “It’s only a month or two, what could happen in that amount of time?” Well, there are about six birthdays to miss as well as an excellent Bible conference in Colorado. Not to mention a communion or two with the brethren I’ve worshiped with for the last nine and a half years.

Well, after much concerted prayer and deliberation with God’s people I’m now making arrangements to board a plane for the first time in my life.

What was it that made my decision sure?

I ask you friend, pray for these precious souls in the midst of turbulent times. As for me; though my heart will long for the fellowship of my home church and the blessings of being so close to my family, I know that I want to follow my God in all that He has for me to walk in and through. I pray with confidence that the grace of God will follow me even 1,500 miles from the place I commonly lay my head and show that He is my home.

Thanks for reading and praying.

Love Him

Television Time = Family Time?

I just wanted to start by pointing out that I dearly love my brother and am grateful for our years together, even those that we've spent in front of the TV. (I haven't added up the hours but I'm sure it's too many to do so.)

I have a beloved friend (yes another) who can be no closer to be than a brother, for he is just that, my brother. At four years my elder he spent a few years trying to figure out just why he was instructed to put up with a little sister and share his cars, but in the past ten or so we've become very good friends. I respect him and his wife and have enjoyed the blessings of loving them as my brother and sister in Christ. I am blessed by their children and the time I am afforded with them all. (As a child care professional I most enjoy the time I get to just be an aunt slaying dragons in the park.)

My brother and I were TV kids. Many times the tele was our sitter as well as our entertainment. I have for the past few months owned a very large Television (not the screen, just the caseing) with no power chord. This makes watching the weather rather problematic. Perhaps if I had spent more time reading as a child instead of in front of the tele I could deal with a small apartment and no TV more aptly. But as it is, I am learning how to cope one sudoku at a time.

A small light does exist however. My brother...has a television (though it is a bit small) with a satillite connection...and the most convienent invention of this decade...

...TiVo.

In the fall and winter months we gather, just the three of us, and indulge in an hour or two of complete wastefulness of time. After the kids are put to bed we sacrifice a bit of sleep in order to follow the caotic lives of our favorite fictional characters and see the latest events that will change the lives of our chosen reality stars and decide who goes home this week.

I have come to know my sister-in-law much better during these past two seasons. I know now that she has a great capacity for great compassion. I have known that this is one of her gifts for years but there haven't been people in our church threatened by another civilization a mere two day hike away lately. She many times feels the stress and anxiety of a fictional character in her very body and is "plum tuckered out" by the end of our adventure on a semi-deserted island. My brother however has displayed a calmness that shows his ability to step back from a situation and form thoughts and opinions based on facts presented rather than being sucked into an alternate reality.

You may be asking "And what of yourself?". Well, I think that perhaps you'ld have to ask one of the other two parties for character revelations. But I do know that I enjoy the opportunity to take a break from trying to figure out how to get the concept of "freedom" across to preschoolers and formating informational flyers for youth to shove into their Bibles and forget to pass along to their parents. (without spending $7.50 at the local theater)

Sure, I could get online and find a power chord for my 1990 television that is currently serving only as a shelf in my little apartment, but I think I would still have to make that weekly drive. I enjoy the company too much.

Until next time kids...

(If you would like to offer any spiritual significance what so ever to this post, please feel free to make a comment.)

"You're So Selfish"

Hey, You All;

I have a bit of a confession to make. I've been a little depressed lately. This time around was really bad. I could try to blame it on stress, stuff, or other people but the truth is that I sin and have trouble trusting in God, whom I can't see, for all things. I am however grateful that it has happened after salvation because, to be honest, my flesh didn't care if I'd wake up in the morning or not. As an unbeliever I struggled frequently with this form of selfishness. (I don't think it's a chemical imbalance in my case.) I even went as far as to imagine ways to end my life.

Praise God for his preserving power over every part of me!!

Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes you just want someone to notice that you're a bit down and others you don't want anyone to even look at you. More often than not people see the side effects first and in the case of women chalk them up to hormones or emotionalism. A dear friend of mine has helped me to deal with some of the side effects during this round and I thought that perhaps some of you could benefit from her words.

“...may we all grow in the glory of God knowing that we each live with our flesh taunting us to protect ourselves at any cost. But like Christ, may we humble ourselves considering the needs of others as more important than our own.” – a dear friend

Romans 8:10-18

If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh - for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, " Abba! Father!" The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

So Long Self

MercyMe - From the album Coming Up To Breathe

Well if I come across a little bit distant, it's just because I am

Things just seem to feel a little bit different, you understand

Believe it or not but life is not apparently, about me anyways

But I have met the One who really is worthy, so let me say…

So long self ; Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else

So long self ; There's just no room for two so you are gonna have to move

So long self ; Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell

Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry; So Long Self

Stop right there because I know what your thinking, but no we can't be friends

And even though I know your heart is breaking, this has to end

And come to think of it the blame for all of this, simply falls on me

For wanting something more in life than all of this, oh, can't you see…

So long self ; Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long self ; There's just no room for two so you are gonna have to move
So long self ; Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell
Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry; So Long Self

Farewell, Goodbye,

Oh, So long self

Interlude

We've finished our Messanic Passover and I now have a bit more time for fellowship instead of sitting in a very small office formatting and making copies. As a single chick I have a wonderful opportunity to minister to some of the wives of our church in a way that I see as unique. When some of their husbands travel for business I am blessed and pleased to join their families for dinner and what ever they have planned for the evening. Last night I had the pleasure of attending my first soccer (football) game since high school and chowing on some chicken pizza with a wonderful family. (I do prefer pepperoni but am limited by a pork allergy - not religious constraints.)

The blessing I think is not in what I am afforded to enjoy by way of food or games but rather in the opportunity to see people living the faith they proclaim. I've been impressed over the last ten years that living for Christ is demanding and hard, while following the flesh and idols is easy and lazy. Although we all struggle in The Way and press hard for the truth and the road is not easy I pray that we will not lose sight of the goal and the blessing of the prize.

"Ya' Gotta Have Friends"

I have this friend that I dearly love. (I won't post her name but know that she's really out there.) This past Sunday I held her hand briefly as we walked. In thinking of that tiny moment today I remembered one of the first times I held her hand. It was actually more her holding mine because I was too weak to take hers. Weakened not by an intense battle with cancer or even a slight cold but rather at the thought of my sin and the fact that I am so undeserving of the Great and Awesome God who has called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light.

(Please wait while I grab a tissue...

...Sorry, I had to travel a bit farther than I expected)

It was two and a half years after becoming a Chist-Follower when I was blessed to attend my first "Ladies' Retreat" where 100+ women had spent the last few days in workshops and meetings growing together as Sisters in Christ. Our group had spent a night or two keeping the neighbors up with singing and wild, yet interesting, games. (One neighbor was the piano player...oops) It was just the 10 or 15 of us in the nights but we made our share of noise.

On Sunday Morning, the last meeting of our retreat, we had a time of communion. In my reflection upon the body and blood of Christ I was overwhelmed at the thought that I could have a place at this holy table. As I sat beside my friend she placed her arm around my shivering shoulders and hugged me. (Now, for those of you who know about my "therapy", it began shortly after this retreat.) I continued to weep while the ladies streamed to the table to recieve the elements and my friend lingered with me; prayed with me. When the group had neared the end of an open table, she took my hand and led me, weak and trembling, to the front. I continued to cry and wail within myself as I partook of the body and blood of the Lamb who took away my sin.

(Please wait while I grab another tissue...)

I think now that it was a great lesson for me. A lesson in how to take communion (contritely), how to take communion with the Bride (as one body) and how to move beyond the reality of sinfulness, into the reality of forgiveness once it has been confessed (rejoicing).

Years later I learned something that has blessed me every time I remember it during communion with the Brethern. There is a particular sin offering of the Law recorded in Leviticus that the priests were required to eat of. Peter says that we are "...a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness and into His marvelous light;(1 Peter 1:9)" So as we gather to remember, reflect, and rejoice in the Passover Lamb, sacrificed as our sin offering; sometimes I look around. Not to see who's partaking and who is allowing the elements to pass but to see these fellow priests, this Bride purchased with a heavy price. Praise God that He has not left us as pieces scattered throughout this broken land, but rather as shards of a beautiful vessel held together by the blood of our shared Saviour.

The best part of the friendship I began this post by mentioning, is that I cannot think of that relationship without being driven to think of He who is closer than a friend, closer than a brother (or sister).

1 Peter 2:9-12
9 But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a royal PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 10 for you once were NOT a PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY. 11 Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them glorify God in the day of visitation.

We Are Children
We are Children of Your mercy, called by Your grace
Seeking just to catch a glimpse of Your face
It once was forbidden, but now by faith
We can, through Your grace, stand in this place.

We are Brothers to one another, children of God
Seeking to be holy, while on this sod
Joined by one Spirit to our Brother, the Christ
Who laid down His life to be our Sacrifice.

We are Children, seeking glory, glory for Your name
Lights shining in a cold, cold dark frame
May the world see our good works of love
And bring You glory, O great Father above

We are Children of Your mercy, called by Your grace
Seeking just to catch one sweet glimpse of Your face
©N L White 2003